Zombie Train To Hell!


            “Oh, yeah, campus security, how was that?” I ask as I fade back into my seat ready to curl up and die as I imagine her pleasuring the whole of the school outside of myself of course.

            The bus finally arrives at the station, and before I can get up and out before the two of them, they’re already blasting to the front laughing and joking with one another. 

            I get to the train, board it and find my seat.  I curse that we all made this plan together.  Tim sits up as I approach, asks to switch tickets, I give him my ‘fuck you’ face which he takes as a cute joke, grabs my ticket, shoves his on me, and I end up next to the slouching, obese, and homeless smelling person behind them.  I decide to try to make the best of it and drown out that heart raping laugh in front of me.

            “Hello, sir.  I’m Josh Ribbons, what’s your name?”

            “Ugfffuluppppp…p”  was all that came out as he leaned forward back into his slump and floor stare.

            This was going to be the worst holiday ever.  My ex girlfriend and once-potential wife sitting with my best friend whom she’d sexually pleasured while I was in the bed only six feet away, and then me with the overly drunk homeless person who somehow scrounged enough change to take a train out of town just to karmicly be my counter passenger for the next hour and a half.  I sigh, closing my eyes and hoping the sound of her now whorish laughter abates between the slogging of the metal as the train begins it’s haul. 

            “What, Josh?” comes Amy’s voice from in front of me.

            “What, I didn’t…I didn’t say anything.”  I say quickly.

            “No, that huge sigh of yours.  What’s that supposed to mean?  Huh?  God, can’t you just get over me already.”  She huffs out, again pulling that phone from her pocket and clicking frantically.

            “It was nothing, just a sigh.  I sigh sometimes, see…(sigh)…it just happens.  I was settling.”

            “What, like a fart?”

            “No…no, not like a…”

            “Whatever, Josh, just don’t stink up the place by being you for the next hour.” She says as she clicks one final hard button and puts her phone away before whispering something into Tim’s ear.

            “Hahaha, you should room with him!”  Tim Hannigan, my ex best friend, soon to be ex roommate, and all around douche of a human being.

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