Zombie Train To Hell!


            “Tim, what are you doing, everyone’s staring, stop fooling around.”

            “I ain’t fooling, Amy.  This dude is actually dead.  Your ex here must have been really upset about you to blow out one that’d put someone else out of their misery.”

            “Dude, seriously, it was him.  It wasn’t my fart, and I didn’t kill him.”

            “Whatever man.  Maybe we should go ask someone what to do.  Hey, maybe there’s a doctor on the train.  I got it.  Attention everyone,” he began shouting again, “IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?”

            No one answered, either because they thought Tim was just being a douchey jock, or because there weren’t any doctors.  Or maybe they didn’t understand his use of the word House when we were on a train.

            “Um, sorry everyone, but we really do need a doctor, we think this man has died.” I say aloud.

            “What’s all the noise for?  Yes, I’m a doctor, retired, a vet.  And the least I deserve is a little peace and quiet.” Says the older guy I had recently fallen onto. 

            “But sir, this guy here, we think he’s dead.”

            The old man gets up, annoyed, but throws on his glasses and leans in closely. 

            “I can’t tell a thing in this confined area, get him out of there, and take his jacket off so I can try to check his pulse through that thick skin of his.”

            I’d never seen a real dead person before, let alone touched one.  I ended up standing on top of the arm rests as I pulled up on the man and Tim pulled out.  Unfortunately once I thought Tim had him I stopped helping, and the dead man fell on top of him in the aisle his drool passing into Tim’s equally opened mouth. 

            “God dammit, Josh!  Get this fat dead guy off of me!  Oh God, it tastes like, like a homeless shelter!  Get him off!  Now!”

            I jump down, smiling for the first time since I’d been dumped.  I roll him off and Tim shoots up as I pull the man’s jacket off of one of his sides so the doctor can get a better angle on him.  I look back to Tim who seems to be covered in some of the dead man’s piss as well as some of the slobber still around his lips.  Even Amy’s trying to back away from him.  Karma seems to be coming back to my side.

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