The Alternate Reality Job- A SVHU Yarn


I shoved the dead idiot off me. Every part of me hurt as I stood up. It hurt even more as I bent down and picked up the guns from the ground. I finally caught a break and all of them didn’t just dress alike, they also carried the same gun. I ejected the magazines and shoved them in my pockets.

I was about to do a little shoe shopping when I heard the sirens. That was surprising given the neighborhood I was in. I abandoned the shoes and walked to my car. The streets and sidewalks were empty, whatever pedestrians who were out cleared away by the sound of gunfire.

I got into the car and drove off. A few black-and-whites sped past me with their lights on and sirens blaring. I didn’t flinch. There was no way they would stop me. Even if someone tipped them off that a bloody man left the alley where nine bodies were found it would be hours before the police got around to interviewing them.

Besides, now I had a gun and ammo. I owned the world now.

I drove to the other side of town. Obviously I wanted to put as much space between me and the crime scene as possible, but I also wanted to be in a better neighborhood. It didn’t take me long to find a tailor’s that seemed to be empty. In the middle of the day I figured that they would only have one person working.

A bell chimed when I opened the door. A middle-aged man looked up from his computer monitor. His face turned angry when he saw me and the shape I was in. My upper lip felt puffy and I had a few cuts on my face that had finally stopped bleeding on the drive over. My eyes hurt, but they hadn’t swollen up.

“I keep tellin’ you bums that I’m not givin’ you any money and you can’t use the phone! Shove off!”

“I need a suit.”

“Sure, you do. You’re just not gettin’ it here.”

“No need to be rude. I’ve got…some money.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the wad of bills.

“Don’t care. I don’t need any stolen cash. Go to a thrift store if you want a suit.”

“So much for being nice,” I pointed my gun at the tailor, “I need a suit. You will sell me one. Or I will shoot you dead and take one. The choice is yours. You want to sell me a suit or do you want to mouth off to me again?”

He put his hands up and shuffled out from behind the counter and pulled a roll of measuring tape off from around his neck. I told him I didn’t need it and rattled off my measurements. As the tailor wandered around the store grabbing the items I needed I locked the door and kept an eye out for approaching customers. I always kept the tailor in the corner of my eye in case he did anything stupid.

Once he found me everything (even a spare package of underwear he had for some reason) he looked relieved. That quickly faded as I made him follow me into the bathroom. He was right, I did look like a bum. That wouldn’t do. He grimaced as I stripped down. I wasn’t a fan of being naked in front of him either, but aside from shooting him I had no other options than to keep him in view away from the phone.

I kept the gun trained on him while I took a sink bath. After I was clean and dry I dressed in the clothes he provided. It fit very well, he was very good at his job even under the pressure.

“How much?” we were back in the main room. The tailor was slumped on the chair behind the counter.

“No charge…just don’t kill me.”

“That’s not fair. I don’t want to rob you, I just want the suit. Now how much would you charge for this?”

“Around…five hundred,” he winced as he said it.

I peeled off two hundred, a significant chunk of my cash, “You only get two-hundred because you were a cock earlier.”

I took his phone as I walked out.

Next I found  a sporting goods store where I purchased a shoulder holster for my gun. They had a great selection of pistols which put my Glock to shame. I was nearly drooling. It was too bad that unless I wanted to kill every person in the store I wasn’t going to get any of them.

After that I was back to square one. I had no clue what to do. I drove around the city aimlessly. Driving the car was starting to make me nervous. I needed a new car, one unassociated with Isaac. I thought about stealing one. That would be easier than finding an unscrupulous car dealer willing to sell me a car on the cheap with no questions asked.

Stealing wouldn’t provide me with any real comfort. It would leave me feeling anxious.

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